Most of us have a voice in our heads that would never be allowed to speak to anyone else the way it speaks to us. You're useless. Everyone can see you don't belong. Why did you say that?
If a friend spoke to you like this, you would leave. But we live with this voice every day.
Where the voice comes from
The inner critic usually begins as protection. As children, we learned that certain mistakes brought shame or punishment. A part of us decided to criticise us first, before anyone else could. It was trying to keep us safe.
The problem is that it never retired. It is still guarding a child who has long since grown up.
Speaking back
You do not need to silence the voice. You need to change your relationship with it.
- Name it. Give it a name, even a funny one. "Ah, the Inspector is here again." Naming creates distance.
- Thank it. "Thank you for trying to protect me. I've got this." Fighting it makes it louder. Acknowledging it calms it down.
- Ask for evidence. "You say I always fail. Show me." It usually cannot.
- Bring in a kinder voice. What would someone who loves you say? Say that, out loud if you can.
You do not have to believe every thought you think.